The Poopie List

The Perfect Poopie

Every once in a while, each of us experiences a perfect dump, it's rare, but a thing of beauty in all respects. You sit down expecting the worst, but what you get is a smooth sliding, fartless masterpiece that breaks the water with the splashless grace of an expert diver. But that's not the end of it. You use some toilet tissue only to find that it was totally unnecessary. It makes you feel that all is right with the world.

Ghost Poopie

The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

Clean Poopie

The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

Wet Poopie

The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear so you won't ruin them with a stain.

Second Wave Poopie

This happens when you're done Poopie-ing and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poopie some more.

Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Poopie

The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

Chili Poopie

Hot when it goes in, and rocket fuel when it leaves. The chili poopie stays with you all day, making your tush feel like a heat shield.

Gassy Poopie

It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing.

Mona Lisa Poopie

This is the masterpiece of dumps. It's as perfectly formed as it can be. Delicate and slender with intricacies that would make da Vinci weep. And just think, you made it yourself. You may even want to break out the Polaroid, but maybe that's going a bit too far.

Lincoln Log Poopie

The kind of Poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

Corn Poopie

Self-explanatory.

The Whole Roll Poopie

No matter how much you wipe, it doesn't seem to be enough. You blow the whole roll and you have to flush 25 times too. The whole episode is consumer waste.

Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie

The kind where you want to Poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

Spinal Tap Poopie

That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways.

Wet Cheeks Poopie (The Power Dump)

The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water.

Liquid Poopie

The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

Encore Poopie

Ahhhh, you're done, so you wipe, put yourself together, wash your hands and are about to vacate the bathroom when you feel another dump coming. You have to return for a curtain call. The world's record is seven encores.

Mexican Poopie

It smells so bad your nose burns.

The Dangling Poopie

This Poopie refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Poopie-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

The Surprise Poopie

You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops.......a Poopie!!!